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Adulting - Part IV

Adulting is a non-fiction series by Daisy Bignell where she explores the daily joys, troubles, and all the in-betweens of adult life.


Artwork by Alex Kieran for healthline zine


I joined the ‘Google Meet’ interview fifteen minutes before scheduled. Technology cannot be trusted, more specifically, the camera on my laptop has always been a foe.


I sat, legs crossed like a child, in my interview attire. A white cotton button down, with a racerback black top underneath. On the bottom I chose black, comfy flares – they weren’t to know these weren’t particularly professional.


My thumbs moved like clockwork, as I chipped away at my red nail polish. Ritually, I bit the inside of my mouth, as my digital clock on my laptop neared 14:00 GMT. Even days later, I can still feel the bruises on the inside of my mouth.


This was my first ‘big girl interview.’ The job I applied for was an Editorial Assistant at Springer Nature Publishers. I have been applying for editorial roles for six months now, and I rarely received any response of some sort. When a publishing company did have the courtesy to respond to my application, it was automated.


Dear Miss Bignell,

Thank you for your application. Due to the volume of applicants for this role, we have moved to the following stage in the hiring process, therefore will not be proceeding with your application.

Thank you for your interest in our company.

Regards.


These emails weren’t personal or brutal, just tiresome.


And so, I took the chance for the interview. An entry level job, with pennies for wages, and a two hour commute into the City.


Yet, I didn’t care for any of this, I simply wanted to find a spot on the publishing corporate ladder, to prove that maybe I (a Romanticised dreamer, from a small village), could find her place in the City.


Even after my interview with Springer, when all had signed off, I sat in the same position for hours reflecting on the call.


As I chipped away at the skin tags as thorns outlining my nails, I questioned myself. I wasn’t questioning my capabilities, but my life choices. Put simply, I am unsure whether this role is for me.


I opened up Microsoft Notes after a long while. My notes began to look like those police pin boards you see on those television series you binge way into the early hours. Post-its, highlighters, and connecting the clues, the facts to a crime.


Perhaps this was my crime; trying to mould into the corporate world.


My crime as a writer, losing her way in her twenties, trying to live up to others expectations. But, what would happen if I released myself of the accused, what would happen if I made my twenty-something dreams a reality? Adulting would happen.



 

Daisy Bignell is an aspiring poet, born in Surrey and raised in a small village. Having just finished her Masters degree in English Literature, from the University of Winchester. She is now taking time to focus exclusively on her writing. Her works have previously been published in literary magazines, most recently in the winter edition of 'Scribbles.' When she isn't writing and reading, she is playing with her family dog, Crumble.




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